Difficulties and the Wind

So my roommate Lindsey told me recently that I needed to start a blog so that she could still get a sampling of my incoherent babbling when we have to separate and I get a new more permanent roommate on June 4th. Yes I am marrying my best friend on June 4th this summer. Be jealous.

Here are my babbles for today.

Being a believer is difficult. Being different is difficult. However, being consistent in your differences of belief is probably the hardest. It is easy to claim Christ occasionally but claiming Him consistently is a challenge.

This is a challenge I have been dealing with for a while now. I am an artist. The majority of my work relates to scriptures and God and hopefully bringing Him glory through the imagery within my paintings and the discussions that they facilitate. Recently I have begun a series of paintings about the common questions that Christianity faces. One of my friends shared with me recently that the questions that are worth asking are the ones with no answer. I agree because the way that we respond to the "unanswerable" questions defines us as humans. (When I say unanswerable this could me that it has a couple of answers but they are all highly disputed or the question wont be answered until we are before the throne in heaven.) So through a series of discussions and conversations I have had with both believers and nonbelievers I have chosen three to focus on...

1) If there is a loving God how can there be pain and suffering in the world?

2) If God already knows what I am going to choose and how my life will end up then how can I have free will?

3) Why cant I get a direct answer from God on questions like the ones mentioned above?

(No. I do not and probably never will be able to answer these questions completely. My hopes for my art is that the pieces will challenge people to think and face the fact that at some point the intellectual answers aren't enough and you must take the "leap of faith.")

But lately I have been behaving like Peter in Galatians abandoning his mission of living and teaching the freedom of Christ and reverting to the ways of the old law (However, in my case I don't revert to anything I just stop working because of my own fears.) I need someone like Paul to come in and kick my butt when my consistency is failing or the enemy is trying to overwhelm me with my doubts and shortcomings.

With this in mind, I was reading My Utmost for His Highest and Chambers addresses this idea of false gods who get in the way of us seeing and speaking the truth. Referencing Luke 19 saying that the pharisee's pride had become a false god and was blinding them to the truth of the gospel.

I think my false god has been my doubts and my fears of man. I fear that the men and women around me wont be able to handle the truth of the gospel and that God wont be able to handle their criticism of the gospel (which is pretty silly because if God can create the world than he can certainly handle some whiny humans questions about "free will" or "suffering.")

I'm not going to lie this realization did not fix all of my struggles. I still battle them but He used the realization to give me some encouragement. He encouraged me again tonight with his whispers in the wind (please don't judge me.) I can feel and hear God in the wind, there is something about the quiet strength of it that reminds me of God. So any time I feel a strong breeze I listen for Him a little bit more closely and there He is! Tonight it was REALLY windy and as I was walking to my car I heard Him. He caressed my cheek and said "I am here."